Two words: BLAIR’S WEDDING! Ahhh. Can you believe it, kids? Did you ever think we’d get to this point? No, me neither. But we did! Whoa x a billion!

Yet it looked like some people were still hoping that the wedding would be called off. For example, Father Cavalia and Chuck. Those two were doing some heavy plotting on how to stop the wedding. They had a plan and were ready to put it into action. But then Cavalia got violently ill. Gross. Perhaps it had to do something with the water Chuck was serving him? Oh snap! Chuck admitted he had given Cavalia water that came from a Bass resort tap in Mexico. The truth was Chuck had no intention on ruining B’s big day. He wanted Blair to be happy and if marrying Louis made her happy, he was satisfied. Wow, Chuck. How mature!

But there was one blast from the past who no one expected to try to sabotage the wedding: the notorious Georgina Sparks. She read in the paper about Blair’s special day and could not believe it! That bitch had done her wrong so many times. Banishing her to bible camp! Sending her off to Russia! Blair did not deserve happiness! Georgina had to do something. So with the help of her husband, Philip, she came up with a scheme. Georgina was going to seduce Prince Louis while her hubby recorded it. Then she’d send it in to Gossip Girl and surely the wedding would be called off. MWAHAHAHA.

Blair was nervous about the wedding. Duh, she’s only human. But as Serena, Dorota and Eleanor tried to comfort her, Eleanor began thinking something else was up. There was one last thing she had to do. And what was that? Go see Chuck. Whaaaat? Unbeknownst to everyone else, Eleanor went to the Empire and confronted Blair’s ex. See, when B’s mom married B’s dad, Harold, she was so nervous because deep down she knew something was wrong. But when she married Cyrus, she was very calm. Everything was falling into place. Eleanor didn’t want her daughter to have to wait for a second chance to be happy. This meant Chuck needed to stop the wedding. OMFG!!!

When Chuck showed up at the church, he begged Blair not to go through with the marriage. She wouldn’t truly be happy with Louis. Chuck said that if he was wrong then he’d leave at once. But Blair couldn’t admit that. She told him it’s not that simple. She loved Chuck, always had. Chuck was confused. What was the problem then? They could leave right now and go off together, never look back. Blair told him that even if she wasn’t with Louis, she couldn’t be with Chuck. It was too hard to explain. But Chuck should know that B not leaving with him was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. And what do you know? Georgina just so happened to videotape the whole thing. Her plan of seducing Louis might have been thwarted but this was so much better! She handed the camera with the spicy video over to Chuck. SCANDALOUS!

Even after her talk with Chuck, Blair was still going to marry Louis. Phew? So she and her wedding party walked down the aisle. It was time to get married, bitches. When Father Smythe asked if anyone had any objections as to why the couple shouldn’t be married, everyone was on edge. Chuck was standing in the back of the church. Was he gonna open his mouth? But it looked like he didn’t have to. Because all of a sudden everyone’s phones started going off. It was my first blast in a long time and it was the video of Blair and Chuck talking in the bridal suite only a few minutes ago. AHHHHH! And with that, Blair ran the wrong way down the aisle. Did someone say runaway bride??

Blair was livid about the tape being on GG and she knew exactly who was behind it: Chuck, of course! But Chuck pleaded that it wasn’t him. He swore. However, he now knew the real reason why Blair couldn’t be with him. Serena had told him the truth about that pesky pact with God. Damn it, S! But the sad part was the even though the truth was now out, Blair still wasn’t leaving with Chuck. Too bad Louis overheard the whole thing. Eek. Blair assured him she had chosen the prince and only the prince. Um yay?

Serena, Nate and Dan confronted Georgina. Clearly, she was the one who sent the video to GG. Typical. Georgina informed them she didn’t do a thing. Sure, she was the director and cinematographer but she was not the distributor. Georgina had given the camera to Chuck. Although, she reasoned it probably wasn’t C who sent it in either. He had his chance to stop the wedding but he didn’t. Georgina thought that it could be Serena, Nate or Dan who did the dirty deed. Maybe S sent it to make sure her BFF didn’t make a huge mistake? Or was it N who was helping his friend get his true love back? Or could it be D? It was pretty obvious that he was in love with Blair. Maybe he sent it in to ruin the wedding as well as Blair and Chuck. Two birds with one stone! Hmm…

Fortunately the wedding went on and Blair and Louis were soon married. Party time! While B had her fairy tale ending, S was dealing with the drama of fake dating Dan. Dan had found out that Blair had told Serena she didn’t have to date him anymore. Why was Serena still pretending? She apologized to Dan for lying and carrying on their fake relationship. But the truth was she loved Dan. Always had and always would. Whoa whoa whoa. Dan was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. Serena told him he didn’t have to say anything right now. They could talk later. Craziness!

As for Nate, he was having some interesting moments with a cater waiter working the wedding. Turned out, the girl had worked the Spectator’s Christmas party and N totally didn’t remember her. Get some gingko biloba, N! Nate felt bad. He should have remembered this pretty girl. Maybe that was his problem. He kept paying attention to the bad girls when he should be paying attention to the good girls. At the wedding reception, Nate saw the cater waiter again and suddenly his memory was intact. Her name was Lola, she was from Florida and was attending Julliard. She was impressed. Nate wasn’t the guy she thought he was. But wait, Lola who goes to Julliard? Was this the girl who Lily and Rufus thought was Charlie Rhodes? I’m confused!

When Blair and Louis had their final dance, B was still in a trance. She could not believe she was a princess! Blair was thankful that Louis had given her another chance. But then Louis made a confession. He had no choice but to stand by her side since the world was watching. From here on out, their marriage was nothing but a contract. It’s all for show. And Blair is going to put on the best show ever. She will smile for cameras, be by Louis’ side. But when the two are alone, they will be like strangers. And it will stay that way until he tells her it’s over. Blair was shocked and upset and baffled! What about the vows? And that’s when Louis admitted that it was Dan who had written them. OMG!!!

Blair was beyond saddened. She could not believe this was happening to her. Guess fairy tale endings really are a myth. B called someone for help. She admitted she had made a mistake and needed to take off ASAP. But wait, who did she call? Well, Chuck did show up at the reception. But only to apologize. So no, it wasn’t C. Blair ran outside the St. Regis to a car waiting for her. And the driver was none other than our very own, ready for this?, Lonely Boy. WHAT. THE. EF?!?!

As promised, I launched a new and improved Gossip Girl. One that will continue to be your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite. Wanna know a secret? Come closer. And promise not to tell the others. But I’m ready to tell you who I am. But just you, of course. I am none other than the queen bitch herself: Georgina Sparks. Bet you weren’t expecting that. But shhhhh the others don’t know yet and I’m not about to tell them. Let’s let it be a surprise for another time.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 53 Comments »

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It’s good to be back! Or sort of back. While the posts may be more sporadic than in the past, you can be sure I’m beginning to plot my magnificent comeback. It’s going to be absolutely splendid. Just you wait and see.

The day had finally arrived. No, it wasn’t Blair’s wedding, it was her bachelorette party! Huzzah! Unfortunately, Serena was planning an elegant and intimate dinner followed by a sleepover. Can you say zzzzzzzzz? But before her night of lamedom, Blair went to confession. She revealed to Father Smythe that she had dreams about Chuck. While she knew she had to honor her pact with God to protect Chuck, she was weak and afraid she might break. Father Smythe promised B he would keep her on the straight and narrow. Blair was beyond thankful. Father Smythe was sooooo much better than the horrid Father Cavalia (you know, the one who was banging Princess Beatrice!). Once she became princess, Blair would make sure Smythe would be the priest of Monaco and Cavalia would be kaput. But little did B know that she wasn’t confessing her sins to Smythe, she was confessing them to Cavalia who was pretending to be Smythe. Oh God.

Louis’ sister Beatrice and Cavalia were still working together to take Blair down. The forbidden lovers needed to stop the wedding from happening. If not, Cavalia would lose his job and Beatrice would lose her crown. Now that the priest knew Blair’s kryptonite, he suggested to Beatrice to get the bride drunk at her bachelorette party then invite Chuck. Surely, a weakened B would break and show the world where her true heart lies. Naughty!

As it happened, Chuck was already tailing Blair. He was still desperate to know what had changed from the two of them getting ready to run away together to B refusing to talk to him. After following Blair to Ladurée, Chuck demanded answers. What was her deal? But B wasn’t giving up the truth. Chuck told her he wasn’t going to stop until he found out. Which meant continuing to constantly follow her (in a non-stalker way, of course). Next stop: B’s bachelorette party. He knew the night’s plans and you better be certain he’d be there. Blair could not believe this! Nowhere was safe! So at Beatrice’s suggestion, Blair decided to make a bold move and gave up on her snoozefest bachelorette party. It was time to cut loose and go anywhere that Chuck would never find her. Paaaaaarty!

All the while, Serena and Dan were continuing to fake date. This was great for the launch of Serena’s new daily column with the Spectator. Serena had written her first post about how her relationships always failed when Gossip Girl was around. But now that GG’s gone, her relationships were flourishing. Or rather, her fake relationship’s flourishing. But it’s all relative, right? However, while the fake relationship was good for Serena, it was turning out less fortuitous for Dan. He was looking to pitch his second novel to his publisher. Dan had grand ideas involving westerns and NYC in the future yet his publishers were more interested in a sequel toInside. Since he was dating Serena, it seemed like people were even more interested in what would happen next to the Insidecharacters. Their advice to Dan? Keep on dating S!

And what would you know? I was having a personal texting correspondence with none other than Nate Archibald. How freaking jealous are all of you? I was helping Nate get to the bottom of the whole crashing town cars thing. He had gotten into the wrong car the night of the crash. The car that Blair and Chuck rode in was meant for Nate and had been tampered with. But who would want to hurt Nate? I sent N a picture of Charlie’s ex Max outside Charlie’s coming out party holding an envelope of cash. Could that have something to do with the whole ordeal? Perhaps. But here’s the thing with working with someone. You always want something in return. So with sending N that pic, I needed a favor from the hot Spectator editor: pull Serena’s column from the interwebs ASAP. And good for me/bad for Serena, Nate obliged. Sorry, S!

Serena was pissssssssed when she found out her article was pulled. WTF, N? Nate told her it just wasn’t the right time for it. But don’t worry, it’ll go up eventually. S was still mad. And it didn’t help when she noticed an email in Nate’s inbox from yours truly. Gossip Girl had told Nate to kill her column? Ef that. So Serena quickly uploaded her post to the Spectator site. It was now live. For all to see. Nate could not believe S would do that. So what’d he do? He fired her a$$. Whoa! Serena was livid. How could Nate work with Gossip Girl? He was not only a liar but also a hypocrite! Nate defended my honor (you’re the best, N!) since I had been highly beneficial by sending him an email about who was behind the car crash. Turned out, it was cousin Trip van der Bilt. And I had the photos to prove it. Serena thought that was a lame scapegoat. Trip? Like how random. Plus, it wasn’t fair for Nate to just accuse him like that. Why would he do such a thing? The Congressman was obviously being framed. But you wanna know the best part about this whole fight? It was captured on video and sent to me. Thanks, Tina! Superstar assistant!

Trip came to see Serena at the Waldorfs because he saw the fight on my site. He was thankful that she stuck up for him. It was preposterous that he’d have anything to do with the car accident. But that left the question: who could it be then? Trip admitted he heard Maureen on the phone. Maybe it was her? I mean it wouldn’t be the first time she pulled a stunt like this. And that’s when Nate and Grandfather came out from the dining room. They’d heard the whole thing. And what would you know? Nate, Grandfather and Serena were all working together. Ahhhh! Nate and Serena had set up the whole fight. They knew Trip would try to pin the accident on someone else. Grandfather said it couldn’t be Maureen since she had an airtight alibi. She was with Grandfather and a divorce lawyer that night. Uh oh, Trip’s busted!

Trip admitted the truth. He was mad that Grandfather was taking Nate to Camp Allen instead of him. And when Max came along offering to help him in exchange for money, he took him up on it. Trip paid Max to drain the brake fluid in Nate’s town car. However, Max had played him. Charlie’s ex took the money and ran, leaving Trip having to do it himself. Ooh, Trip getting his hands dirty. He pleaded that he only wanted to ruin Nate’s weekend with Grandfather, not his life. Trip was insanely (literally) jealous of Grandfather turning his affection and attention to the younger grandson. Sadly for Trip, jealousy has a huge price because he wasn’t getting off the hook this time. He was finally going to pay for his misdeeds. Have fun in jail, Congressman!

Grandfather was proud of Nate for getting to the bottom of what really happened in the accident. But Nate wasn’t so sure he wanted to be in business with his Grandfather anymore. Grandfather had pitted his grandsons against each other for all these years. Maybe it was time for Nate to try being successful on his own. He’d be meeting with new investors for the Spectator. Family ties being cutting!

Over at Blair’s bachelorette party, B and her bridesmaids were living it up at Panchito’s. Nope, that’s not a typo. They were actually partying at Panchito’s. It is 2012 after all. With a little trickery during drinking games thanks to Beatrice, Blair was waaaaaasted. Beatrice and Cavalia’s plan was turning out to be a success! But then Blair confided in Beatrice that she really did love Louis a lot. Perhaps the soon to be sisters in law were a lot alike. And that’s when Beatrice began to have a change of heart and decided to do the crazy: she shut down the plan. Operation break off the wedding was over!

But even with Beatrice’s plan being off, it looked like Blair was still in for some trouble. Outside of Panchito’s, a drunk Blair was getting some air when a random girl put a joint in her mouth “to hold” while she went inside to get a lighter. Two of New York’s finest happened to walk by and see the joint hanging from Blair’s lips. Oops. And to make matters worse, B thought the cops were strippers! Double oops. And right there, the future Princess of Monaco got handcuffed. Yikes! To make matters worse, guess who happened to witness this go down? Chuck and Dan! Chuck showed up with Father Cavalia who had told him about the location change. Perhaps they both wanted similar things and could help one another out? Eek. Dan came to the party to end things with Serena once and for all. No more being S’ fake boyfriend. He needed to be his own person. So both guys were sure in for a surprise when they got front row seats to B’s arrest. And boy, was it a show!

At the jail, a slightly more sober Blair was livid. At Beatrice! She knew it was that royal bitch who set her up. Although, Dan was sure it was Chuck who was behind it. Why else would he have been at the bachelorette party? Oh, Humphrey, MYOB! Beatrice told Blair it really wasn’t her fault. It was all just a misunderstanding. Honestly! In order to prove her innocent, Beatrice bought all the bystanders’ cameras and phones that had pictures of Blair getting put into a cop car. No one would ever find out about B’s mishap. B was relieved and grateful. Best sister in law ever?

When Dan finally got to Serena, he broke the news to her. They needed to break up. However, Serena told Dan that they had to stay together for just one more week. Until after the big wedding. For Blair’s sake, of course. Dan said he could probably last another week if it was that important to Blair. But little did Dan know, B had actually told S she didn’t have to date Dan anymore. Sneaky, S!!!

Fortunately for Blair, her bad hungover was replaced with glee. She had drunkenly found Louis’ vows in a drawer in her room. The vows were incredible! It was like the prince had peered into her soul. It just cemented her decision to marry him. Swoon! Although, guess what? Dan received a book from Louis. As a thank you gift. For helping him write his vows. WHAAAAAT? Dan wrote the vows OMFG!!!

Now that Beatrice was on Team Blair, she wanted no part in ruining her brother’s wedding day. In fact, her and Cavalia’s plan was finished and so was their relationship. Ouch. Father Cavalia, on the other hand, was still set on following through with making sure the wedding didn’t take place. He told Beatrice’s mom that she was trying to sabotage the wedding. Cavalia suggested Beatrice get shipped off to Africa for missionary work. That way there wouldn’t be any acting out at the wedding. Whoa! And luckily for the priest, he had found an ally in Chuck. Eek! Together they could make sure the wedding doesn’t happen. Since Blair already thought Chuck was a villain, he might as well actually become one. Game on.

OMG! Blair’s wedding is only days away. And I’m verrrrrrry worried about what might happen on the big day. You can be sure I’ll be there every step of the way. We’ve been waiting for this for like ever. And it surely won’t disappoint. Going to the chapel and hopefully someone will get married. Xoxo Gossip Girl

xo xo Gossip Girl | 11 Comments »

As you all know, I’ve been MIA recently. But that will change. Eventually. Yet since I’m only human, I have to take a break from my break and share some juicy gossip that’s happened as of late.

In sad, sad news, Blair lost the baby she was pregnant with in the car accident. Beyond tragic. Shortly after the accident, she and Louis went off to Europe to recuperate. But now they were back in New York, which meant back to planning their royal wedding. When Chuck found out Blair was in the city again, he reached out to her. But guess what? She was totally ignoring him. He wanted to be there for her in her time of need. Plus, remember all that stuff she had said to him in the car before the crash? Like how she wanted to be with him forever. What had made her change her mind? When he finally showed up at the Waldorf’s to get her attention, Blair scoffed at him. Maybe this was the universe’s way of telling them they should never be together. Yikes.

Chuck didn’t get it. Why the 360? And that’s when Louis informed him that Blair had recently been taking mysterious excursions but Louis had no idea where to. He thought that perhaps Blair was having an affair. But since it was obviously not with Chuck, who was it with? Chuck thought he knew. So he went all the way to Brooklyn to confront Dan. Did he know where Blair was? Was he having an affair with her? Dan rebuffed the accusations. No way! But once Chuck left, guess who was hanging out in Jenny’s old room at the loft? Blair! Scandalous!

But it seemed like Blair and Dan’s relationship was purely platonic. For instance, Dan accompanied her to her bridal dress fitting at Vera Wang. It was there that she got super upset. Wearing the dress Vera personally designed for her reminded her of everything she’d recently lost. Dan thought that just like changing her mind about her dress, she could change her mind about the groom. But Blair didn’t want to hear any of that. She was marrying Louis. End of story, Humphrey!

And what would you know? Someone at Vera Wang called Chuck to alert him Blair was there with some guy who wasn’t Louis or a gay stylist. Chuck knew exactly who it was so he told his driver to go to Vera Wang ASAP. In typical Bass fashion, Chuck staked out the store and then followed Blair and Dan to a townhouse. WTF were they doing going into some townhouse? Blair and Dan were having an affair? OMFG BARF!

With my absence, people were turning to someone else to spill the dirt: Serena. You’re welcome, S! My fans were now sending Serena tips. Nate thought that if she didn’t post these tips then everyone would go back to my site. Serena wanted no part of it. She was not some gossip columnist. But Nate suggested she at least read the e-mails. Who knows what she might find?

The Spectator was throwing a super hot and exclusive New Year’s Eve party at their offices. But instead of celebrating the arrival of 2012, most of our favorites were scheming. Chuck and Louis begged Serena to go through the e-mails she had received. They needed to find out if anyone had sent in any tips about Blair and Dan being together. Serena was not interested in that kind of plotting so she told them to just look it up themselves. And what do you know? In the e-mails to S were dozens of pictures of Blair and Dan together. Louis could not believe it. How dare they? So Louis did something he’s become accustomed to recently: he added a card to the NYE party slideshow. The topic? Most Secret Affair: Blair and Dan AHHHH!

Serena, being an adult, decided she’d just ask Blair for the truth, point blank. Blair finally opened up about what happened. Turned out, the night of the accident, Blair found out that Chuck had lost a lot of blood and never woke up. He was on the verge of dying! So B prayed to keep Chuck alive. She’d do anything, including vowing to marry Louis and never be with Chuck again in order for him to live. And what do you know? Chuck finally woke up. Blair saved him with prayer? She started to believe that was the case. One minute Chuck was dead, the next she made a promise and he wasn’t. Serena didn’t think it was a miracle, it was modern medicine. But Blair didn’t want to hear any of that. It was all an act of God and now she had started going to church. With Dan. Aha the townhouse! Blair did still love Chuck but she just couldn’t be with him. She thought that if anything were to happen to him, it’d be all her fault. Blair made the vow to God and she was going to keep it. She was marrying Louis and that was that. Wow!

Everyone wanted to know what the hell was going on with Blair and Dan. Super BFF Serena decided to step forward and told her friends the “truth”: Blair was just covering for her. She was the one having the affair with Dan. OMG 2007-2009 flashback. Luckily for B, S and D, the others bought it. Phew.

Blair apologized to Louis for acting so weird recently. The truth was she had been keeping another secret: she was converting to Catholicism. OMG – literally. Louis was ecstatic. At midnight, the happy couples, Blair and Louis, and Serena and Dan kissed. Awww. S and D decided that they couldn’t end their fake relationship the night it started. Perhaps they should keep it going for a little longer. Ummm, I’m starting to think someone in this set up is getting feelings once again…

Chuck still wasn’t buying the Serena/Dan thing. He knew something was going on. Chuck told Dan that when he found out the truth, Lonely Boy would be in trouble. Eek! Blair went to see Chuck and told him that she was proud of the wonderful person he had become. The reason why she changed her mind about being with him was because she saw what was important and made the only choice she could. But Chuck wanted real answers. Unfortunately for him, B wasn’t spilling. She just said they could never be together. And just because that was the case didn’t mean she doesn’t love him. Tears, tears, tears.

Meanwhile, something peculiar was happening with Nate. He received an anonymous text saying that the paparazzi didn’t cause Blair and Chuck’s accident. Since Nate was a journalist, he needed to do some research. Of course, he was intrigued by this unknown tipster. So N began to look into it all. He talked to the driver of the town car from that night. The guy had passed a breathalizer so he hadn’t being drinking. The driver said that the paparazzi did get close to him but that wasn’t the real problem. The real problem was that his brakes had no pressure and he couldn’t stop the car. Hmm.

But then Nate found something very interesting. As it so happened, Blair and Chuck had accidentally gotten into his town car that night. The car that crashed was meant for Nate. WHAAAAT? Nate texted the anonymous texter asking since they knew about the switched cars then maybe they could help him out. He immediately got a response. From none other than moi! I told Nate that maybe we could help each other out. Teamwork!

All the while, Rufus and Lily were feeling some major empty nest syndrome. Depressing. Lily missed Charlie. Plus, she never got to say goodbye. Lily had called Carol to see how her niece was doing but of course, her sister was cagey as per usual. So Lily hired PI Andrew Tyler to find Charlie. He came back with the info that Charlie was enrolled at Julliard. She had never left NY? Interesting. Lily and Rufus went straight to Lincoln Center to find their niece. Lily noticed a girl who looked like Charlie and called out her name. The girl answered but it wasn’t the Charlie Rhodes we all know. She said yes she was Charlie Rhodes but she went by Lola. Lily was confused. Guess there’s more than 1 Charlie Rhodes’ in NY. What are the chances? Although in a weird twist, this Lola girl had a picture of her and, are you ready for it, Carol in her wallet. Wait. This is the real Charlie Rhodes?!? OMFG!

Soak it in, folks, because this gossip will have to hold you over for a little longer. But don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. Patience my pets. Xoxo Gossip Girl

xo xo Gossip Girl